College Fears Debunked: Roommates and Dorm Living

Going to college for the first time can feel like you’re stepping into the unknown. Whether you’re dreading it or you can’t wait for this experience, you may still be feeling nervous.

So instead of fretting, let’s talk about these fears. No matter what, you should know that going to college is not as scary as you think it will be. In this post in our College Fears Debunked series, we’re diving into the three biggest fears about having a roommate and dorm living — and why you’ll be just fine.

“Where do I even find a roommate?”

You might be nervous about meeting someone new and living with them. Privacy might feel like a luxury, and there are potential conflicts that come with rooming with someone. 

The first step to calming your nerves is learning more about your potential college’s roommate-matching process. Here’s what that looks like at Luther:

Roommate Matching for First-Year Students

Brandt Hall is one of Luther’s first-year residence halls. Returning Luther students welcome new students by helping them move in to their residence hall.

First years fill out a special housing application for new students. This questionnaire helps residence life staff identify your lifestyle choices and preferences, which helps them determine who would be your ideal roommate. You can also identify your first-year dorm preference. 

Roommate matches are hand-picked by residence life staff, and they have a great track record with grasping the complexity of students and their responses. This academic year, all matches the residence life staff made stayed together, whereas the nine room changes came from students who selected their own roommate. 

You can, however, still pick your own roommate, as long as the request is mutual. But consider the advice of Luther’s residence life staff: Get to know that person well. Share your housing application answers and consider whether you have compatible lifestyles.

It’s important to be honest in the housing application. If you’re a little messy or like to have people over, let them know. If you’re looking for a roommate who might be a fellow night owl, be honest. 

For returning students, the housing process looks a little different. You will participate in room draw each spring. You can find complete information in the 2025-2026 Room Draw Booklet. 

“What if they’re… odd?”

Baker Village is one of Luther’s residence options for juniors and seniors.

It’s not uncommon to not get along with your roommate, but don’t let that possibility discourage you from on-campus living! If your roommate makes you listen to EDM at 5 a.m. or leaves used floss everywhere, here’s some ways you can navigate that, as well as tips on being a good roommate, yourself: 

Communicate openly, and set boundaries from the very beginning. Create an unofficial roommate agreement* by discussing lifestyle habits in an honest way, and by sharing what you’re okay with and not. Decide how clean you want things to be, and stick to that. You might ask them how to tell when they need their space or to be left alone, or you might ask them how comfortable they are with other friends coming over. 

If these boundaries aren’t followed, it’s totally okay to talk to them about it. Get it all out in the open rather than being passive-aggressive or letting your boundaries be disvalued. 

*Luther distributes an official Roommate Contract at the beginning of the year.

Talk to your RA. Especially if you feel uncomfortable with your roommate, RAs (resident assistants) are there to help you navigate living on campus. You can also talk to them about how classes are going, your mental health, and any other questions you may have. At Luther, the RAs have one-on-one conversations with each student on their floor during the first few weeks to make sure the transition to college is going well. You should talk to your RA if you feel that you and your roommate aren’t working out.

Be adaptable, and open to compromise. If your roommate prefers to not ever have people in the room, but you like having your friends over, you might discuss not having people in the room past a certain time. Be sure to be responsive to their boundaries as well.

You probably shouldn’t room with friends from high school. Living together might strain your friendship because the increased time together can expose lifestyle differences and habits. Also, leaning on that friend or spending all your time with them could close off experiences with new people. If you and your friend live separately instead, you will each have roommates who could be potential new friends. 

It’s okay not to be lifelong besties with your roommate. Most people aren’t. It’s a lot more likely that you’ll have a cohabitation type relationship. It might take a while for that strong friendship to grow, and that’s totally normal. But even if you’re not besties with your roommate, that doesn’t mean you won’t have a great time together!

“I have to share?!”

First-year students studying and relaxing in Ylvisaker Hall, one of Luther’s first-year residence halls.

It’s pretty reasonable to be a little nervous about sharing a space with others. If privacy and tidiness are really important to you, here are some things you might consider when living on campus:

How to live with communal bathrooms and showers:

• Avoid rush-hour times like in the mornings. There are usually long periods of time where bathrooms/showers are empty. 
• Know that you will get used to it. It’s not uncommon to feel worried about communal living situations, but it’s really not so bad or difficult to adapt to. If you’re truly uncomfortable with the idea of communal bathrooms and showers, you should look for colleges that fit your needs and preferences.
• Wear flip-flops or shower shoes in the shower! Wearing slides will definitely make you feel more comfortable.

Prepare yourself. Familiarize yourself with the dorm layout, rules, and amenities. Check the residence life office’s new student information. Knowing what to expect should relieve some of your stress.

Decorate your space. Personalizing and decorating your part of the room will make the transition feel more comfortable and your space more homey. Don’t worry too much about coordinating with your roommate about decorations, but if that’s something you both want, awesome!

Be conscious of others. You and your roommate should both work to be respectful of each other’s stuff, fridge space, etc. Same goes for communal kitchens, lounge spaces, and laundry rooms. Remember that other people use those spaces, too, and would like you to keep those spaces not disgusting. Clean up after yourself!

Preparation is key. 

Students relax in a room in Brandt Hall, one of Luther’s first-year residence halls.

If you’re feeling nervous about moving to on-campus living or about having a roommate, coming up with a plan with your roommate and having everything ready is a great thing you can do. At Luther, you will get an email around the third week of July with your roommate’s name and contact information.

Open communication with your roommate is the best way to have a great experience with on-campus living. It’s unlikely that your future roommate has ever had a roommate before, so recognizing that this is a new experience for the both of you takes off a lot of the pressure.