How to Help: Resources for Concerned Friends, Faculty/Staff, and Parents
Signs That a Student May Be Struggling
Observable red flags suggesting that a student may be struggling and in need of help include:
- diminished attendance at classes, work or activities, and organizations
- deteriorating academic performance
- changes in class participation
- withdrawal from others; spending lots of time alone
- signs of depression: low mood, frequent crying, changes in appetite and weight, changes in sleep, low energy and motivation, loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities, diminished concentration
- references to death or suicide; expressions of hopelessness
(Click here to learn how you can get emergency help.) - signs of anxiety or agitation
- significantly heightened or extreme activity level
- behavior that is a marked change from what is typical for the student
- conversations that do not make sense; signs that the student is not in good contact with reality
- outbursts of anger; volatile, explosive, aggressive behavior; talk about physically harming someone else (Click here to learn how you can get emergency help.)
- marked lack of interpersonal skills and related social isolation
- significant decline in personal hygiene
- tension headaches, changes in eating patterns, sleep disturbances, fatigue, stomach aches, and other physical pain symptoms
- signs of substance abuse, such as coming to a class or meetings when intoxicated or high
- seriously restricted food intake; bingeing and vomiting; marked weight loss; other signs of an eating disorder
Apart from these signs, you may be aware that a student is troubled about a personal issue, is wrestling with an important decision, or has had a recent difficult experience, such as sexual assault, the end of a significant dating relationship, the death of a family member or friend, serious family problems, or a personal or family health crisis. Read more information on emergency help for sexual assault.(www.luther.edu/student-life/counseling/crisis/index.html)
Our self-help resources section will link you to a wide variety of health and mental health related web sites than can provide information about such issues as depression, suicide prevention, substance abuse, eating disorders, sexual assault, loss and grief and many more. Read more information on self-help resources.(www.luther.edu/student-life/links/index.html)
How to Intervene
For Family Members and Close Friends
When you are aware of a number of the previously mentioned factors, you are in a good position to approach the student, because of your place in the student's life. Or perhaps the student will come to you. However the conversation begins, let the student know what you are aware of that leads you to be concerned. Try to be specific in identifying the bases of your concern. You need not be certain there is a problem; it is still legitimate to express your concerns.
Let the student know that you care about how he/she is doing. Encourage the student to talk about his/her situation, struggles, and feelings. Take the time to listen in a nonjudgmental and respectful manner. It is important to listen first to the situation and the student's feelings about it. Try not to offer solutions early in the conversation; problem solving needs to wait until the student feels heard and understood. When the time feels right, gently suggest the option of counseling.
For Faculty and Staff
You may or may not have a significant connection with the student. If you do have a close connection, you could approach the situation just as was suggested for a family member or close friend. If your connection with the student has not included one-to-one interaction and has been limited to the student's participation in a class or other group, you can still approach the student.
Simply ask the student to meet with you privately, outline what you have observed, let the student know that you are concerned, and provide an opening for the student to share more. See how the student responds. He or she may volunteer more—or may not. In any case, suggest the option of counseling if it seems warranted.
If You Think Emergency Help is Needed
If you are worried about the immediate personal safety of the student or others, you can access emergency help right away. Click here to learn how to do so.
If You Are Unsure How or Whether to Approach the Student
If there are factors in the situation that make you reluctant to approach the student or that create complications in how to do so, you may call the counseling service and speak to a counselor about the situation. Together, you and the counselor will assess the situation and develop a plan for how to approach the student. In some cases, this involves identifying someone else who may be in a more favorable position to talk with the student, such as a member of the residence life staff.
Additional Considerations
If you think counseling might be advisable, suggest it. You do not need to be certain that the student needs counseling to make a referral. In the first counseling session, the counselor will sort out with the student whether counseling might be beneficial. If other resources are more appropriate, the counselor will suggest them.
You may already have provided assistance and support to the student for a while, but things do not seem to be improving. You may find yourself feeling outside your range of knowledge, overwhelmed, overly responsible for, or worried about the personal safety of the student. These are signs that counseling would be advisable.
Do not attempt to make a referral to counseling when the student is so upset and confused that he/she cannot really listen to you or process information. Wait until the student has calmed down enough to be able to absorb your suggestion about counseling and the information about how to access it.
If the student's behavior is a significant and ongoing disruption to others—in the residence hall, classroom, or other campus settings—an intervention focused on the inappropriate, disruptive behavior is warranted. In the classroom, professors have the right to set behavioral standards just as they do academic standards. You may consult with the Student Life Office (ext. 1020) or Counseling for assistance in developing a plan for behavioral intervention with the student. A referral to Counseling can also be made, but should not by itself be considered an adequate response to disruptive behavior.
When You Talk with the Student About Counseling
- Suggest in a caring, supportive manner that the student may benefit from meeting with a counselor at the Counseling Service.
- Share some basic information about the Counseling Service (Larsen Hall; 387-1375), such as that counseling is confidential, the services are without cost to currently registered students, how to make an appointment, and the nature of the first session. To learn more about the Counseling Service, its services, and how to arrange counseling, click here.
- Suggest that the student come to the Counseling Service during office hours to arrange an appointment. The student needs to make his/her own appointment. No appointments can be made for a student by a third party without the student speaking directly to the secretary.
- If the student seems hesitant about counseling or would like support in making counseling arrangements, you might offer to accompany the student to the Counseling Service to set up an appointment. You may also accompany the student to the first session, if the student would find this helpful.
- If there is information that you want the Counseling Service to know about the student's situation and your concerns, you may call the office and speak with one of the counselors. Please explain to the student that you plan to do this and why, so that during the first session, the counselor can acknowledge to the student that he/she is aware of the information that you have shared.
If the Student Refuses to Seek Counseling
When the student refuses counseling, you may call and speak to one of the counselors about the situation and determine together whether further attempts to intervene are warranted and how best to proceed. In some cases, no further intervention is advisable; in other cases, it is important.
If the decision is to simply respect the student's choice not to seek counseling at this time, know that your encouragement about counseling may still have had a positive impact. Your suggestion about counseling now may work together with other future factors to eventually lead the student to pursue counseling. And you have also communicated that you care enough about the student to voice your concerns—always a good message to send.
To Determine Whether the Student Followed Through with Your Referral
If you believe it would be congruent with your relationship with the student, ask the student about whether he/she made a counseling appointment and later, how the first session went and whether he/she plans to continue. Your interest and support may encourage the student to continue with counseling.
You may also ask the student to give the Counseling Service permission to let you know that the student arranged counseling, attended the first appointment, and/or plans to continue with regular sessions. Because of professional ethics and legal issues, as reflected in our confidentiality policy (www.luther.edu/student-life/counseling/services/confidentiality/index.html), we do need the student's permission to release this or any other information about the student's contacts with the counseling service to parents, friends, faculty or staff. Confidentiality around counseling is very much like that connected with consulting a physician or attorney.
If the Student Wants to Explore Off-Campus Evaluation or Therapy
In some instances the student may prefer to see an off-campus therapist or may need to access a psychiatrist for evaluation or follow-up around medications. Read more information about off-campus mental health services. (www.luther.edu/student-life/counseling/off-camus/index.html)
Conclusion
Your role as a concerned friend, family member, or faculty/staff person is an important one. Your support and encouragement may be critical factors that enhance the student's willingness and ability to face difficult life experiences and feelings and to muster the courage to seek counseling.
If you have an ongoing, close relationship with the student, your continued support and care can be a source of strength and hope. While it is not possible for you to take away the student's pain or struggle or fix the thorny problems the student may be facing, your steady, caring, affirming presence can be a powerful force for healing.