How to Help: Resources for Concerned Friends, Faculty/Staff, and Parents
Signs that a Student may be Struggling
Observable red flags suggesting that a student may be struggling and in need of help include:
- Diminished attendance at classes, work or co-curricular activities
- Deteriorating academic performance.
- Changes in class participation.
- Disruptive classroom behavior
- Withdrawal from others; spending lots of time alone.
- Signs of depression: low mood; irritability; frequent crying; changes in appetite and weight; changes in sleep; low energy and motivation; loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities; diminished concentration.
- Prolonged or very intense emotionality
- Extreme mood changes
- References to death or suicide; expressions of despair or hopelessness.
- Self-injury, such as cutting or burning
- Signs of anxiety or agitation.
- Significantly heightened or extreme activity level.
- Poor coping and problem solving skills
- Marked distrust of most other people; paranoia
- Behavior that is a clear change from what is typical for the student.
- Conversations that do not make sense; signs that the student is not in good contact with reality.
- Angry, threatening or aggressive behavior
- Talk about physically harming someone else and/or references to violence, death, or destruction.
- Marked lack of interpersonal skills and related social isolation.
- Significant decline in personal hygiene.
- Tension headaches, changes in eating patterns, sleep disturbances, fatigue, stomachaches, and other physical pain symptoms.
- Signs of substance abuse
- Seriously restricted food intake; bingeing and vomiting; marked weight loss; excessive exercise; other signs of disordered eating.
Apart from these signs, you may be aware that a student is troubled about a personal issue, is wrestling with an important decision, or has had a recent difficult experience, such as sexual assault, the end of a significant dating relationship, the death of a family member or friend, serious family problems, or a personal or family health crisis.
Read more information on emergency help for sexual assault at http://www.luther.edu/student-life/counseling/crisis/ . See the links at the top of this page for information about helping a student with several other specific problems. Our self-help resources section http://www.luther.edu/student-life/counseling/self-help/ provides additional information about coping strategies and other resources.
If you are a concerned parent, visit http://www.luther.edu/student-life/counseling/parents/. If you are a faculty member, visit
http://www.luther.edu/student-life/counseling/faculty/
How to Intervene
Let the student know that you are concerned. Be specific about what you have observed that has concerned you. You need not be certain there is a problem; it is still legitimate to express your concerns. Encourage the student to talk about his/her situation, struggles, and feelings. Take the time to listen in a non-judgmental and respectful manner. It is important to listen first to the situation and the student’s feelings about it. Try not to offer solutions early in the conversation; problem solving needs to wait until the student feels heard and understood. When the time feels right, gently suggest the option of counseling.
If You Think Emergency Help is Needed
If you are worried about the immediate personal safety of the student or others, you can access emergency help right away. Visit http://www.luther.edu/student-life/counseling/crisis/ to learn how to do so.
If You Are Unsure How or Whether to Approach the Student
If there are factors in the situation that make you reluctant to approach the student or that create complications in how to do so, you may call the Counseling Service and speak to a counselor about the situation. Together, you and the counselor will assess the situation and develop a plan for how to approach the student. In some cases, this involves identifying someone else who may be in a more favorable position to talk with him/her, such as a member of the Residence Life staff.
Additional Considerations
If you think counseling might be advisable, suggest it. You do not need to be certain that the student needs counseling to make a referral. In the first counseling session, the counselor will sort out with the student whether counseling might be beneficial. If other resources are more appropriate, the counselor will suggest them.
You may already have provided assistance and support to the student for a while, but things do not seem to be improving. You may find yourself feeling outside your range of knowledge, overwhelmed, overly responsible for, or worried about the personal safety of the student. These are signs that counseling would be advisable.
Do not attempt to make a referral to counseling when the student is so upset and confused that he/she cannot really listen to you or process information. Wait until he/she has calmed down enough to be able to absorb your suggestion about counseling and the information about how to access it.
When You Talk with the Student About Counseling
- Suggest in a caring, supportive manner that he/she may benefit from meeting with a counselor at the Counseling Service.
- Share some basic information about the Counseling Service (Larsen Hall; 387-1375), such as that counseling is confidential, the services are without cost to currently registered students, how to make an appointment, and the nature of the first session. To learn more about the Counseling Service, its services, and how to arrange counseling, visit http://www.luther.edu/student-life/counseling/services/.
- Suggest that the student come to the Counseling Service during office hours to arrange an appointment. The student needs to make his/her own appointment. No appointments can be made for a student by a third party.
- If the student seems hesitant about counseling or would like support in making counseling arrangements, you might offer to accompany him/her to the Counseling Service to set up an appointment. You may also accompany the student to the first session, if he/she would find this helpful.
- If there is information that you want the Counseling Service to know about the student’s situation and your concerns, you may call the office and speak with one of the counselors. Please explain to the student that you plan to do this and why, so that during the first session, the counselor can acknowledge to the student that he/she is aware of the information that you have shared.
If the Student Refuses to Seek Counseling
If the student refuses counseling, you may call and speak to one of the counselors about the situation and determine together whether further attempts to intervene are warranted and how best to proceed. In some cases, no further intervention is advisable; in other cases, it is important. If the decision is to simply respect the student’s choice not to seek counseling at this time, know that your encouragement about counseling may still have had a positive impact. Your suggestion about counseling now may work together with other future factors to eventually lead the student to pursue counseling. And you have also communicated that you care enough about the student to voice your concerns---always a good message to send.
If the Student Wants to Explore Off Campus Evaluation or Therapy
Rather than coming to the Counseling Service on campus, the student may prefer to see an off campus therapist or may need to access a psychiatrist for evaluation or follow-up around medications. Read more information about off campus mental health services at http://www.luther.edu/student-life/counseling/offcampus/ .
Conclusion
Your role as a concerned friend is an important one. Your support and encouragement may be critical factors that enhance the student’s willingness and ability to face difficult life experiences and feelings and to muster the courage to seek counseling. Your continued support and care can be a source of strength and hope. While it is not possible for you to take away the student’s pain or struggle or fix the thorny problems he/she may be facing, your steady, caring, affirming presence can be a powerful force for healing.